6 September, 2007 - Wife-bashing is the last refuge of a cowardly or degenerate man. Or so they say. If rumours of wife-bashing in Bhutan are anything to go by, you’d think we are surrounded by scores of cowardly men. But, seriously, is wife-beating rampant in Bhutan?

No one seems to know for a fact. Concerned authorities are far too sensitive to charges of underplaying violence in the home. Nor will you hear much about it from women’s organisations or government officials. Police are reluctant to talk. Statistics are few and far between.

Records with the Thimphu national referral hospital, however, show 120 cases of domestic violence brought in this year, till August, mostly victims of wife-bashing, and not necessarily from Thimphu dzongkhag alone. Last year the hospital recorded 112 cases. Observers say these are vastly underrated figures.

“Most Bhutanese women just won’t shout for help, no matter how severe it gets,” said an observer. Bhutanese women, as in other countries, says Thimphu referral hospital’s Dr. Pakila Drukpa, do not want to come out in the open for various reasons. Factors like children’s welfare, fear of breakdown of marriage, and an innate embarrassment that relatives and others will come to know, influence their decisions, said Dr. Pakila.

The worst affected are those who were economically dependent on their husbands, said a spokesperson of RENEW, a non-government organisation, which provides support and services for victims of domestic violence.

Jambay Pema, 25, from Zhemgang, was married to a tailor, but four months into her marriage, her husband started abusing her.

“He beat me verbally and physically,” said Jambay. “My husband never tired of it.”

Doctors said every woman was a potential victim of violence; some were at greater risk than others. Women under 30 were most in danger - largely, it seemed, because young men were more violent than middle-aged ones. The poor also face higher risks, as did mothers of young children.

Minjur, 55, from Trashigang, got married when she was 15. She said it was a love marriage. But soon after her first child, love turned sour. Her husband, she said, was not the same person she had first met. He came home drunk and beat her. For many nights she would find herself on the doorsteps of her house, crying and begging to be let inside because she had nowhere to go.

“He used to tie me up and beat me on flimsy grounds, and most of the time, without any reason,” said Minjur. “I had my four young daughters so I tolerated the abuse because I wanted to keep my home intact. Also, I had nowhere to go.”

According to police, judiciary, NGOs, and doctors, the causes of domestic violence are normally ascribed to alcohol, infidelity, and economic pressures.

But things seem to be changing, at least in the capital. With organisations like RENEW, established in 2004 by Her Majesty Ashi Sangay Choden Wangchuck, the problem is receiving attention. The organisation handles about five severe cases of domestic violence, among which are victims of wife-beating.

Jambay Pema was able to free herself from the clutches of her husband with the help of the police.

Minjur also walked out of her marriage after 29 years. Today, she lives with her eldest daughter in peace.

During the past decade, Bhutanese women, especially in urban areas, have also become more economically independent and have started to behave in such a way that their chances of falling victim to a violent partner are greatly reduced, said observers.

Sonam, 22, a corporate employee, said she would never tolerate any form of abuse or violence from her husband. “I will walk out the moment he raises his hands on me. Why shouldn’t I? After all I can take care of myself.”

Bhutanese women are also seeking legal counsel in greater numbers. About 25 cases of domestic violence have been registered within Thimphu dzongkhag.

“Cases are mostly registered by battered wives and, in a few cases, by husbands,” said the chief judge, Pema Gyeltshen, who added that, while some victims compromised, there were others who were determined to fight their cases against their husbands.

Penalties against offenders of domestic violence range from a jail sentence of a minimum of one month to a maximum of three years. Offenders are also fined a daily minimum national wage of 90 days.

Observers, however, argue that domestic violence was far too common, and that there was a need to introduce tough new laws to tackle it. For starters, the courts could impose restraining orders on suspected abusers even if they are acquitted of assault, they said.

But this is not to say that all Bhutanese men are women abusers. Penjor, 28, a Thimphu civil servant and father of an infant son, said that problems and disagreements among spouses came as a package with marriage, but there were always civilized ways to tackle them.

“I can never raise my hands on my wife, no matter what,” said Penjor. “It’s not in my blood.” In some cases, women were the abusers. Ap Wangdi, 77, a retired civil servant from Thimphu, said that his ex-wife was very possessive and how he often landed up hitting her.

“During an argument she used to hit me with firewood or anything she could lay her hands on, and that’s when I lost my temper,” said Ap Wangdi.

Stakeholders, meanwhile, say that curbing domestic violence was a collective issue.

“I think it’s due to ignorance, but nothing can be more dangerous than being ignorant. There is a need to educate people,” RENEW spokesperson said. “It is important to make victims and perpetrators realise that it’s not right.”

Dr. Pakila Drukpa said that while it was important for the victims to open up, there should also be proper facilities put in place to address the problem.

“Not only the victims, but also the perpetrators should be counselled,” he said.